Vegan Goodbar Brownies

Fourth grade was a very interesting year for me, for many reasons, including that I nearly died.

It’s true. About a week before school was set to start, my appendix ruptured. I’d been complaining about a stomach ache and not feeling well for a bit, which my stepfather dismissed as trying to get out of going to school or something. (The kid who loved school, seriously?) When my mom broke ranks and took me to the hospital, they admitted me for emergency surgery — saying that eight hours later, the infection likely would have killed me. (Thanks, dad.)

I spent two and a half weeks in the hospital, half of which was spent progressing from ice chips to a liquid diet. By the time I was released, I’d lost so much weight I couldn’t wear my new school clothes home from the hospital. I went to school three weeks late a weak, tired and perpetually chilly kid. Rather out of character for me at the time, it took me a while to make a friend, but eventually, while my classmates were running and swinging and climbing, me and the other bookish little boy (in hindsight, probably my first crush) played cat’s cradle in the sun just feet away from our classroom door.

Oddly enough, I don’t remember ever being made fun of for this, which is honestly baffling in light of all the bullying that characterized the remainder of my school years. But that’s a story for another time.

This was also the year I had my youngest and only single teacher, in her first job out of college, making this the first time I remember addressing someone as ‘Miss.’ And it was my first class with a student whose religion barred him from taking part in celebrations, requiring him to be excused to the school office during every birthday and holiday party. I have distinct memories of thinking it was sad he missed out on the cupcakes or cookies, but none of the matter ever being discussed, of him being singled out, or of anyone treating him badly or differently for it.

I don’t know whether fourth grade was my first experience with difference or identity or accommodation and acceptance, but it’s certainly been far from my last. In fact, it’s become a persistent theme of my work, my values, and how I hope to move through the world. I’m at my best when making people feel seen and validated, and when I can extend them the same level of welcome and care that all the ‘easy,’ ‘typical,’ or ‘normal’ folks are granted every day.

When I have the chance to use baking to make someone feel included — especially without compromising an ounce of the treat’s flavor or texture — I find it especially rewarding. And these fudgy, nutty, chocolaty, candy bar inspired brownies are celebration worthy (if you’re into that)…or perfect for sharing on a sunny afternoon with that friend who always helps you not to feel alone in the world.

Enjoy!

These are some of the items I find especially helpful for this bake. (These are affiliate links.)

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